If you cannot rescue me from my loneliness here and now, then none of it matters.
I need to see your deliverance now. You ARE - not you WILL BE.
I just finished watching the Fellowship of the Ring, and in it,
Frodo is saying how he wishes his circumstances were different and that what had
become his burden had never been...
He wishes he didn't have to go through his particular journey,
and that none of it had even happened.
I know exactly how that feels. How I wish sometimes...
and if I let my mind go, it becomes that much more difficult
and painful to come back to reality.
So far from what I'd like.
And so alone.
Yet Gandalf wisely replies:
"Yes, and so do all who face times such as these, but that is not for us to decide.
What you must decide is what to do with the times that are given to you."
What will I do with these times given to me?
I say I am alone yet that is not true.
I have my parents, and sisters, and a host of friends who pray for me.
But most importantly - you've given me yourself.
That, I will never comprehend nor grasp - yet in my ignorant
bliss I accept you - it is what I decide to do.
I may never accomplish great things in the worlds' eyes,
but I will believe in you and love you for one more day.
I will not give in to fear or despair.
That battle - if nothing else - will not fail.
Because of your grace and your perfect provision.
It is you who causes me to stand, to hope, to do anything at all.
I ache deeply for a life-partner. I am weary of this battle.
Yet I will stand on my Rock. You will not let me fall - and I praise you!