Myself

O Lord!
So much!
You have shown me so much!
It was as fierce a battle as ever today - 
our enemy attacking with thoughts of worthlessness 
and death and despair...
Do not let him win!
I praised through the tears - 
You led me through the valley!
I see now that what M perceived was indeed correct - 
I ask for more, yet I have neglected
and despised that which you have given me!
MYSELF!
You freed me from tyrannical oppression and gave me back myself...
or rather, my chance to apprehend myself.
A new chance at life.  A rich life too!
Two beautiful children, family, school, work, YMCA, health, a home...
So much...
Yet all I've done is whine and complain and ask for someone else
to pour myself into...
Help me learn to pour into myself!
Not to become a self-centered egocentric woman - 
but to become rich in self.
To develop.
To grow.
To become.

Forgive me.
I resent having to take ownership of my life sometimes.

Help me to grow through this!
And you have been - I thank you and praise you.

If you granted me my request right now, wouldn't I just
lose myself all over again in a man?
Please establish me Lord, in my identity...
Help me to be who you created me to be!
Full of life and dreams and passion!
Help me learn to live - and to enjoy myself and my life
until "he" comes.
And he will.
I trust you to meet that very real need.

Yet you care so deeply for me that you want to
first give me an even richer gift - 
the gift of me. 🙂
That I may then, in turn, give myself fully to You, 
and to a man.

You must own something before you can give it away.

Help me to take ownership of myself and my life,
and help me to love it enough to not waste time
on petty pursuits.


*Image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay