The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.
This I must not doubt.
The pain is so strong tonight, I told the Lord
that if He will not free me from this torment
I should rather die.
What must I do to live?
How do others do it?
Am I alone condemned to a life of living death?
Is it the music? The movie?
What has brought this upon me???
Can't I be satisfied with MEDIOCRE EXISTENCE???
Perhaps it is not.
And I know, I certainly don't deserve more.
But I desire it.
So strongly it is like a poison almost.
Is it the wine?
It's like something has caused me to reach the depths
of my quiet despair.
I cannot continue like this.
I am nothing without Jesus, that I know.
All my righteous deeds are nothing but filthy dirty rags.
Yet He loves me.
Oh that thought has the scent of freedom to it.
He loves ME.
And maybe the intense pain stems from there.
So I will sleep.
Sleep changes many thoughts.
What all this has been I will see someday.
I simply pray for healing, growth and CHANGE.
No more hating myself.
No more being jealous of those who have a life.
Teach me to live Lord.
No matter the cost.
I am dying here...
Please send help.
*Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay