Latest
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Gracefully going with the flow
Its like watching in slow motion as your child cannonballs into the pool right next to his 95 year old grandmother. It’s like watching the baby in the high chair slowly push his bowl of mush to the edge and not being able to get there in time – we already know the disaster that…
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The never-ending journey
I read a fantastic quote today. It’s actually on my classroom wall, and has been for years, but for some reason I had stopped reading it. So I saw it again today for the first time all over again. The full effort IS the victory. Winning never satisfies like the effort does. So the act…
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Epiphany in the mirror
An epiphany sounds like a deep spiritual awakening, but the definition that has resonated the most with me is this: it is a sudden perception regarding the true essence of something. Sudden clarity. The essential nature. I feel like many woman – in fact I know that many women – NEED to have a epiphany…
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Ask
He hears us. We had left the restaurant early and in silence. I had said something wrong – I had pushed too hard. And apparently I had ruined the dinner. What followed was a long drive around in the dark while I was being told all of the things I did that were causing him…
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NUMBER ONE: yes, it’s about you
Lesson #1 – Learn to take care of yourself. As women we are often brought up to think of everyone else first, and then we get our own leftovers. It’s lady-like to be self-effacing, self-sacrificial – heck we even think it’s biblical although I can’t think of a single verse that says take care of…
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Seeking my tribe
It’s happened again and again. I wake up and it’s bittersweet, because I wake up to a reality that I love but at the same time the dream was so precious and part of me wants to linger there a while longer. I constantly dream of community. Being surrounded by people. Being part of a…
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Waiting for permission
I was always a very obedient young child. I asked for permission. I listened to my parents. I mostly did as I was told. When you grow up as a pastor’s kid and a missionary kid you learn very quickly that people are watching and you will be doubly judged for your misdeeds – once…
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Surviving ourselves
I rarely hear from people who are proud of surviving their own stupidity. And yet this is a discussion that matters and that is NEEDED…because I refuse to believe that I am alone. Alone in having kept quiet due to my shame. Alone in having made stupid decisions that impacted my life on a traumatic…
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Fighting for JOY
It’s the most wonderful time of year…right? When the angels announced to the shepherds glad tidings which will be a source of great joy for all people! When time seems to suddenly warp into overdrive and we are left stressing over spending budgets, which dessert to bring, when to fit in all the shopping, what…
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A better perspective
We had been walking for about 6 miles when we emerged out of the forest onto the sandy dune. This wasn’t just any dune. This one was 500 feet tall and overlooked the beautiful turquoise Lake Superior. It was a sunny day and many other people were arriving at the dune from the parking area. …
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Surrounded
It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by YOU. I sang this worship song with tears streaming down my cheeks while driving to work. Driving has always been wonderful therapy for me to process fears and sorrows…mainly because when I am NOT in the car I am busy doing something and the processing…
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When I doubt the Giver
We had a long overdue heart to heart. The Giver and I. It boiled down – as it usually does – to trust. You see my Creator and I had not been seeing eye to eye. But I had finally come to the point of acknowledging: What you are uncovering in me is worth discovering. What…
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Who are you looking at?
I can’t do this. It’s way over my head. I was rocking back and forth in my therapists office, uncontrollably, as if my guts were going into convulsions. This began happening to me when all of the truth about my marriage started coming to light, and the reality was not what I had been telling…
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Unmasking fear
Inaction never conquers fear. Staying in place and waiting for things to change never sets you free. I can’t sit cowering in the corner simply hoping that fear will go away. I have to learn to take action and confront it WHILE feeling it. I was on a suspension bridge 500 feet above the canyon. …
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Truth = Only Everything
Self confidence is one of the casualties of an abusive relationship. You begin to doubt your own perception of things. Manipulators will make you feel like up is down and down is up and pretty soon you lose your bearings. It can be scary to lose your sense of judgment. What if I am crazy? …
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The enemy in the mirror
I hated her. I would put her down everyday, every chance I got. I told her she was ugly, her hair was stupid, her legs were wierdly skinny, her teeth were too big, her face was lopsided. I held nothing back. I hated her for being shy. She would blush, question herself a hundred times…
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Another round of blues – will healing ever happen?
It hit me as I was listening to yet another podcast about fully accepting yourself and living joyfully in the moment – that I still wasn’t quite “there”. I still struggle with my thoughts. I still feel angry sometimes for no good reason. I still get insecure or unsure of my decisions. Do these women…
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I’m not yours, I’m MINE
Owning your life sounds like something everyone innately does – but you would be surprised by how many people actually never get to this point. To truly take ownership of one’s life means that you stop making excuses. When you complain the only thing you are really saying is that you are not in control…
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NPD 101: How to recognize if it’s narcissistic personality disorder
I was the only 30 something year old in the course. The rest of the college kids looked to be in their late teens. I was thinking that I was closer in age to the professor than the students and then suddenly, in the pages of the textbook, I saw my ex husband. I had…
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Waking up in a web of lies
We all get lied to. He said he loved me. She said she had a business meeting. They said they were growing the branch. This last lie was presented on a pretty little plate and fed to my husband at his interview as branch manager. This particular branch was struggling, but corporate claimed they wanted…
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Feminine Alliance – you are needed!
Women are remarkable. All throughout history we have been carrying half if not more of the load. We have raised the men that have maintained power over us for centuries. We have created, nurtured, constructed, invented, fought, settled, discovered, cured and provided during every minute of the past five thousand years. Really ever since the…
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Baby-steps for showing up for yourself – stop gift wrapping your time for others!
We may have given it away in fear, or because of threats or tantrums or other manipulation – but the bottom line is we GAVE it away. Our time. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship always beats themselves up over all the wasted time spent trying to fix/heal/win over this person. And I…
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When Peace becomes Power
I am a fairly petite woman. I was told my whole life how I was way too skinny and I should eat more peanut butter. I was asked repeatedly if I was sure I wasn’t anorexic. Isn’t it funny how other people get bothered by your body and try to change it for you? But…
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Your inner bada**
When I was younger I wanted to be a boy. I know that many would launch into a big psychological dissection of what that means, but let me quickly explain that it wasn’t because I was attracted to girls or was questioning my sexuality. What I wanted was the “perks” of being a boy. See,…
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Time keeps on slipping…
Time is such a mystery. It can be both a compassionate healer, and also a thief that makes away with our youth as it keeps us busy trying to catch up to its daily demands. They say that it heals ALL things, but I disagree. I realized with the approach of 2020 that it will…
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You can’t copyright Truth
I already had a slight buzz going as I sat down at the fire. It was a large bonfire with over 30 chairs circled around it, and in each one sat a beloved member of my dad’s Irish-blooded side of the family. My uncle Mike had promised to provide a surprise for our family reunion…
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Vengeance is mine…
….saith the Lord. Amen. I remember being so full of rage that I couldn’t sleep. I was so furious at what was being done not only to me but to my children. That part was actually the worst one. You wanna mess with me fine, I’m a big girl and I was finally waking up…
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Your own personal fragrance
We all want more joy in our lives. More contentment, love, freedom from fear and anger and oppression. We long for true connection with others, deep understanding and appreciation. We live in a day and age when information is EVERYWHERE and in such huge quantities that it can be overwhelming. Everyone’s voice can be heard…
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Does the real deal even exist?
It was 25 degrees outside and dark. I heard my husband try the front door and remembered that I had locked it. We recently moved out into the woods and I just feel safer with it locked when I’m home alone. I was wiping my hands to go help when I heard him get his…
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The whistling frog
What is beauty and how does the human soul recognize it? And why are we naturally drawn to it? Is it true that beauty is subjective or is there also a universal standard, a beauty that is recognized in every country and by every human…or at least all those who can still see beauty? Does…
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The simply amazing single parent
The most underestimated of all the amazing living things that roam this planet are certainly and without a doubt single parents. That’s right. If you are a single mom or dad then YOU are the glue that holds families together, you are the foundation of our societies, you are the hope of our children. You…
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The loving wisdom of canines
I want to be more like my dog. Years ago I opened a birthday gift from my sweet husband, and inside the little green and pink box I found a dog collar and a picture of a little miniature schnauzer with her curious head cocked to one side. She was a 4 year old rescue…
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Victim or victor – the fine line
It happened. It was wrong, and it hurt – in fact it may have hurt so bad and messed you up so much you didn’t know if you would get through it. You had to fight hard, to the point you thought your strength was all gone, and then you had to fight some more.…
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This isn’t love
Love is not seeing how much s*** you can put up with from another human being. We think that if we continually turn the other cheek, look the other way, forgive and allow it to happen again that we are somehow being loving. But here’s the thing: we’re allowing them to get away with bad…
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Permission to grieve
I want to wear black. Everyday. Because there is no color right now in my life. And I want to cover my head and throw ashes on it. I want everyone who sees me to know that my life is not OK in any way, that it has been forever altered and that a…
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The dragon and the dolly
She was the latest and greatest: Rub-A-Dub dolly, the baby doll you could bathe in the bathtub. You could even wash her hair. I loved her with all the fervent devotion of a four-year old and I would lovingly comb her wet, messy “doo” with my little fingers after every bath. However the eyes of…
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Humin moments
So I’m human. You can’t fault a cat for sleeping 18 hours a day, or a snail for taking 2 hours to cross the street. I’m human, therefore I live my life having human moments. I drop things. I forget things. I make wrong turns and drive the wrong way down one-way streets. I miss…
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X-ray vision
My dog has a superpower. She can see through trees and over hills and into dense bushes as if they weren’t even there! She can hear noises on another level, aware of movement way before I even know something is coming. And the more time I spend walking with her in the woods, the more…
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Are you good enough?
Experiences can change your point of view. My eldest son returned from the army as a bit of a cynic, as well as being slightly paranoid towards the government. He had spent a few years working in intelligence with a top secret clearance, and may have seen some things which made him question…well, the competency…
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Placing your fate into the right hands
I want to start off by saying that I know this is a touchy topic, and I am certainly not passing any general sweeping judgment on the subject, but am simply sharing my experience and what I have known to be the experience of other women in the church. To me it is more important…
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Who’s got your back?
You are not alone. I promise you that whatever you are facing today, hundreds – no, thousands – of others have faced as well. You are surrounded by past and present lives who have felt exactly what you are feeling. You are not alone. Yours is a unique combination of circumstances, a different mix, but…
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Where the true battle lies
Today is such a significant day for so many in our country. Even for people who did not personally know someone in those two towers or planes, we all lost something that day and our country was changed forever. A few years ago I travelled to NYC with my sister to visit ground zero and…
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Fighting through the fog
I was ambushed. Out of nowhere in particular, the cloud descended and enveloped me today. Suddenly the sunshine, usually so bright, was nowhere to be found. Have you ever had a day like that? Everything is blanketed in gray, heavy mist. And I know in my head that I am surrounded by good and beautiful…
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The lie from the pit of perfectionist hell
Perfectionism is a stress monger, a liar and a fun-killer. But it will keep snapping the whip until you send it packing. How can we uproot something that runs so deep?
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Thank you for showing me who you are
Thank you for showing me who you are.However I will now choose to disregard it.I refuse to believe it.I will continue trying to change you and to make this into something it can never be.You see, what you showed me is not what i want to see.I want you to be loving, and rational, and…
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Who’s mess am I anyways?
Messes can be scary, and when we continue to avoid them we allow them to grow and silently take over. But what if we didn’t have to fear our inner mess?
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They can’t fill you
Endlessly looking to be filled by another ends up robbing us of the opportunity to live a full life – looking in, not out – is the key to finding all and more than we need!
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Stop being a human-doing!
We drive ourselves to the point of exhaustion and why? Why is it SO hard to allow ourselves to simply BE?
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What is your reoccurring battle?
Just because they kicked your butt the first time, doesn’t mean you are condemned to a life of defeat.
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Broken doesn’t mean damaged
There are things in life that will break you. You may not realize this yet. But it will happen. I spent most of my life trying to avoid being broken – never understanding the power it holds to set things right. I thought I was stronger than the storm. I thought that with stubborn willpower,…
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You go – I go
I am realizing that even though I have learned the importance of being over doing, my default has continued to be DOING. And mainly doing for others – not for myself. Because that would be selfish – right? Oh boy. I still have so much to learn about the art of BEING.
TRIUMPHANTLY 