Self confidence is one of the casualties of an abusive relationship. You begin to doubt your own perception of things. Manipulators will make you feel like up is down and down is up and pretty soon you lose your bearings.
It can be scary to lose your sense of judgment.
What if I am crazy?
I seriously contemplated that possibility more than once.
Confusion sets in and often depression follows because we have lost any sense of power or purpose, and we are at the mercy of someone else who we don’t trust. And we can’t figure out why.
We tell ourselves the lies that others tell us.
We swallow them hole when we are too confused to question.
And they twist the way we see the world, ourselves, others and ultimately life itself.
What I believe about God matters too. Is there or isn’t there a being that is at the core of life? Am I a thoughtful design or an accident? When those neurons are firing in my brain trying to make sense of things, is there a bigger wisdom guiding and supplying truth and solutions?
I prayed for truth. I prayed to understand what was happening. I didn’t understand why I was depressed and suicidal and the counselor I was speaking to couldn’t figure it out either.
I went on medication to help me calm my emotions – and that is when the pain subsided enough to me to objectively and clearly begin to examine the real issue.
My ex was not happy because as my eyes were opened I began to call him out on his behavior and set boundaries and suddenly he was losing control over me – and he couldn’t claim I was just being irrational anymore because I was completely unemotional about the whole thing. It was a PURELY rational undertaking.
Truth came to me through the words of a Christian counselor over a noontime radio show I sometimes caught while driving the morning deposit to the bank.
Truth came through a book called Boundaries that I began to read, followed by many more about manipulators and codependency.
Truth came through reading scripture.
Truth came as I sat quietly and wrote in my journal and prayed.
Truth came through friends who had discernment and the wisdom of experience.
And I can vouch for this: Truth is life changing.
Truth can heal even more than lies can destroy – even if it exposes some ugly things first. Turns out that nasty things need to be dragged into the light so that truth can set them straight.
I wanted to share with you some precious, life-changing truths collected over the years (not an all-inclusive list by all means, so feel free to share the ones that Life has taught you!)…
- You are precious – fearfully and wonderfully made.
- You are one of a kind – no one else can speak like you, love like you, laugh like you and interpret the world like you. You are unique.
- You are enough just the way you are. Smart enough, capable enough, strong enough, beautiful enough…for this moment. Stop comparing. Stop wishing. Accept YOU for WHO YOU ARE. You can only be where you are. Stop trying to be somewhere you aren’t yet. Yes, you can change if that is needed, but today – enjoy who you are.
- You are loved and you are worthy of love. This may be the hardest truth to accept. But not accepting it doesn’t take away it’s validity. Let this one sink in because LOVE is truly the most life changing, healing thing there is. If you have been abused this will be a hard one to accept at your core, but be patient and slowly let it take hold. So SO powerful.
- Your life is a gift to YOU. You get to choose what happens. Everyone has choices. I’m not saying they are always good ones, but they are there. Daily. Hourly. Choices you can make that will impact tomorrow. But remember it is a GIFT, to be enjoyed. God knows nothing of subtraction and addition. He is not tallying up how many good choices or good things you have done compared with the bad. Live in the moment, freely delighting in your gift. And don’t allow others to steal it from you! It’s yours!
- You were created to connect with your Creator. You have a body, a mind and a spirit. You need to care for all three aspects. The Creator will feed, heal and grow your spirit. He will awaken in you everything that you need to care for your mind and your body and those of others.
- You reap what you sow. There is a judge, and He sees everything. He will repay – in His own time. But vengeance is His, not ours. We can hand it over and have peace. Send out the things that you want to receive back into your life!
- Unforgiveness rots the soul and prevents us from moving on in a healthy way. It is a prison that prevents us from moving on. Let it go. You are only punishing yourself by refusing to forgive.
- You are made to be loved, but also TO LOVE. The greatest thing a person can do is love. Scripture says that we can do all sorts of amazing things and reach the highest heights, but we don’t have love we are nothing but an empty gong. Love trumps all other actions. Practice it daily – it is your purpose and will feed you even as you share it with others. Practice it towards yourself as well.
- You CAN be free from oppression. Regardless of what you may FEEL THIS is TRUE. Even if you feel that you will never get free from your manipulator or from the after effects of the abuse – you WILL. God is the Father of FREEDOM and He will not stand to see His child in chains. Pray for a solution and I promise you He will deliver it. You are not made to be oppressed. This was never His design for you.
- What you believe makes all the difference in your world – and your world impacts all of those around you. Your beliefs propel your actions and can help to spread truth or can keep you captive to lies.
Don’t allow others to tell you what to believe.
Seek it out yourself.
Does it ring true to you? We have all been given the ability to recognize truth but so often we ignore it or silence it because we prefer the lies. We don’t want to wrestle with the hard questions. We fear the questions we can’t answer with full assurance. So we avoid them at times. Don’t. Building your life without a solid foundation of truth is – like the kids song says – like building your house on the sandy land. You’ll have to build it twice.
Practice surrounding yourself with truth, seeking out truth, testing it out. If it is worth anything, it will hold up to every test you put it through. Truth is timeless and powerful – you will find peace and freedom there. And that is the surest sign that you are in the light and your spirit has connected with the author of Truth. There is no fear in Love, and the source of Love is also the Author if Truth. They are beautifully linked. Make sure you hold Love’s hand as you stare at Truth – Love will enable you to process difficult truths without self-destroying in the process. Some truths can seem scary. Love helps us make peace with them.
Faith is believing in the truths that we hold dear, the ones we will fight for, the ones we will take comfort in during our final breath. Faith is when belief is fleshed out in real life. I take action and that is faith. Like when Indiana Jones stepped out onto the invisible bridge. Faith requires taking that step forward. But the truth is what enables that bold action.
Truth matters because our beliefs impact everything from how we handle a pandemic to how we go through a divorce or how we experience rejection or loneliness. Recently a lovely woman who recently came through a very tough battle with cancer told me how the doctors told her she was in denial. But she didn’t care. She chose to believe that she would beat it, that it wasn’t going to win, that she would be OK. And it made all the difference. Belief is such a powerful thing! Place it in things that stand the test of truth and that will empower and strengthen you to have victory! Truth can help you win your battle!
Base your life on the truth that will hold up, and you have nothing left to fear. Be blessed as you allow His truths to sink in, take hold, and free every aspect of your life!
I am still collecting gems and would love to hear truths that you have learned and that have deeply impacted your life! Please share!